Hello Earthlings,
I'm aware that this post is a day late but yesterday was slightly hectic, out for breakfast, A+E for a Father who thinks he's 21 and invincible (ended up with a broken wrist) and some very very very exciting family news!! So I had this as a draft and thought I'd share it today. I hope this is slightly helpful.
As you can tell by the beginning of the massive chunk of text, this is a little different to the usual cheery blog post but in some ways it is kind of lifting. I was tempted to just delete this but then I kinda thought that it may be useful to someone so here goes nothing.
If I ever post this then it will be a miracle or I will be out of this mindset.
If I ever post this then it will be a miracle or I will be out of this mindset.
Either way, it's 23.10 on May 31st 2015, I don't know why I'm writing this but I guess I have a lot on my mind and just want to spit it out (like word vomit on Mean Girls).
Right now I'm currently in a very negative mindset and as I step back and look at my life I'm not sure why, I mean I have such an amazing supportive family, friends who support everything I do whether they agree with me or not, I get amazing opportunities from various things yet right now, I feel like I'm in a rut. I don't know how I can explain it, it's like I'm trying to move forward to say start something new but there is a barrier and I can't break it down. Everything just feels pointless and like it won't get me anywhere.
I was speaking to Katie about this and she said that I need to find myself, I thought long and hard about this. At first I was worried that I would never find myself and I would just be stuck with this mindset forever but then as I thought more I realised that I didn't like the term 'finding myself', it sounds so restricting. It's almost like once I have found this version of myself that makes me happy that is who I must be for the rest of my life. But what if that wears off in a few years, or maybe even months? Do I just sit in this rut again and think 'I've already found myself once, I don't need to do it again' and just wonder for ages about why I feel like this. It is so limiting. How do you find yourself when you don't actually feel lost?
Then I remembered that once when I was on holiday once, it was in Devon, that I saw a bracelet in a gift shop and the little card that it was attached to said 'Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.' Those words stuck with me for a long time but something made me forget them. I'm so glad I remembered them because it put things into perspective. It made me think that yeah I can go out and change myself and if I don't like it then it doesn't matter because I can just alter it again. It is like a freedom quote. I like to think of it as play-doh you can make something and you're happy with it for a bit but eventually you get bored of it, so you just roll it into a ball and start again.
You can honestly be whoever and whatever you want to be, it is your life and you have to be happy in it.
It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, mistakes don't define who you are as a person. Just like, exams don't define your future; sure, everyone wants good grades but if you don't get good grades then honestly?! Your life is not over, you are still young and you have your entire life ahead of you, some results on a piece of paper doesn't change that!
It doesn't matter if someone doesn't like the way you dress, or the way you smile, or the things you laugh at, or the music you listen to, or anything like that then block them out. Cut them off completely, or just tell them that you weren't put on this planet to please them. Small minded people laugh at others for wanting to be an individual, make sure you aren't one of them because I'm sure you wouldn't want to be the reason that someone is upset or the reason their confidence is knocked down. You don't have to dress like other people to 'fit in', if you want to dress in something that isn't seen as cool or whatever then you go for it because I guarantee that you will be a lot happier than someone who is only wearing certain things so they be friends with the popular people or whatever.
It doesn't matter if someone doesn't approve of the activities you participate in. You want to do a hobby that is seen as weird or whatever, you go for it. You're good at something and the odds are that the people who are taking the mick out of you for this would be awful at it.
This may seem like a stereotypical message telling you not to judge others but honestly, by judging someone for being who they want to be...what are you gaining from it? You don't have to get along with everyone, you don't even have to pretend to but don't go out of your way to to bring someone down.
I'm not worried anymore, I know that being in this rut is just a bad day, it may be a bad couple of days but it is still just a bad time. It won't last forever. I will be back on track with my future and my different goals soon. I hope this blogs helps someone somewhere.
It doesn't matter if someone doesn't approve of the activities you participate in. You want to do a hobby that is seen as weird or whatever, you go for it. You're good at something and the odds are that the people who are taking the mick out of you for this would be awful at it.
This may seem like a stereotypical message telling you not to judge others but honestly, by judging someone for being who they want to be...what are you gaining from it? You don't have to get along with everyone, you don't even have to pretend to but don't go out of your way to to bring someone down.
I'm not worried anymore, I know that being in this rut is just a bad day, it may be a bad couple of days but it is still just a bad time. It won't last forever. I will be back on track with my future and my different goals soon. I hope this blogs helps someone somewhere.
Also, just a little irrelevant picture because I hate posting a blog post without a picture. Here is a picture of my Nana and Grandad's new puppy, Zac. You have to admit...he's adorable.
Until next week dears x
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